It was a cold, cloudy September day – the second Thursday of the month. Hundreds of people had gathered at the Eltham Community Centre. The Chief Commissioner of Victoria Police was there along with dozens of other VicPol top brass and most of the crew from the Booroondara police station. A woman sat sobbing in the front row with her three children … so forlorn, bewildered … so lost. Dreadfully alone, and without any answers. Other family members struggled to maintain any semblance of composure. They mostly didn’t win the battle …
It was a sombre day. A sad day. A very sad day.
A comrade had died the week before, taking his own life in an act of utter despair. No one had seen it coming. Not his wife and family. Not his fellow police officers. Not his closest mates. No one.
Everyone was shocked. This outstanding young man, just 41 years of age, so capable, so strong and so courageous in handling the most difficult of policing tasks, was suddenly, inexplicably gone. He had been injured making a difficult arrest and had been sidelined for several months and unable to return to the job. He kept failing physical fitness tests and had slipped, unknown, into a deep depression. The most recent test he’d failed by the narrowest of margins and the next one was another 5 weeks away.
It was the last straw.
The depression got darker and deeper. And no one realised … because he was always so strong and capable – and larger than life. A hero to his wife and kids, and warrior-like to his mates who relied on him so much. He was the station’s comedian. But he didn’t make it past the next three weeks …
He seemed invincible to everyone. Even to himself. But, of course, he wasn’t.
I stood before that gathering wondering if what I had prepared for the leading of that memorial service would help ease some pain and bring some hope and reassurance – some measure of comfort. I prayed that it would …
It was RUOK Day, 2017. Ironic …
This is some of what I offered those gathered.
“Another of life’s stark realities is this: we have no control over how and when fragility-inducing circumstances come to us. They don’t come to everybody. Or they may come in varying degrees of intensity. But we mostly don’t see them coming. They can come out of left field and, in moments sometimes, or, perhaps over days and weeks, we’re suddenly not in control anymore. Suddenly, the circumstances are crowding in upon us and we begin to experience what fragility and vulnerability feel like. Maybe for the very first time! And most of us used to feeling strong, used to feeling resilient, used to feeling confident and capable, and who have overcome many previous life challenges and difficulties before with flying colours, suddenly know a very different kind of niggling fear than we’ve ever known before - perhaps a challenge way too big that we cannot outrun … and we realise that we just don’t have the resources to cope. We’ve never been here before. We’re not coping like we used to cope.
And, rather than face this new reality and accept help and support, (because we don’t want others to know about our fragility, we don’t want to appear weak, we think that somehow we will be diminished as a person in the eyes of others whose esteem we value), we can choose denial instead – and make it difficult to be helped as we grit our teeth and bravely try to soldier on as we’ve always done. But there are circumstances where that just doesn’t work anymore – they’re too great for one person alone.
We cannot afford to risk living like this, friends, because it is a serious miscalculation. It is a serious underestimation of the situational dynamics, and an overestimation of our own capabilities. God NEVER intended that we should live like this …”
I urged all those present, from the Chief Police Commissioner down, to become proactive in looking after each other, to start by asking the simple question: “Are you OK?”. And then to engage properly, meaningfully, in the ensuing conversation and become more and more supportively other-centred, more and more aware of what’s happening for the person standing right in front of us … and how inestimably precious they are.
I convey this same message to all of you reading this, today. COVID-19 has stretched and challenged us all – and painfully so. But more precious than any of my temporarily restricted freedoms, and the consequent inconveniences, is someone else’s welfare. Their very life may be at stake – and I am angry about a temporary inconvenience. They are precious to God, and in this tough season we need to shift focus from ourselves to them – and help get everyone through to the next season. Everyone! No one left behind!
Galatians 6:2
“Bear one another's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
What law? This one …
Luke 10:27
"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbour as yourself."
It starts with RUOK? And Holy Spirit will lead you from there …
Rest in Peace,
Leading Senior Constable,
Dean Groppi
(1/08/1977 – 5/09/2017)
You are so very loved.
Ps Milton
Victoria Police Chaplain